she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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