"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
