I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
