Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
