She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
