Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
