I can't watch pbs sober anymore
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
