Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
