I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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