thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
