I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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