Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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