Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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