I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
