dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
