I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
