he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
