it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
