Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
