Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
