I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
