My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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