You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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