two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
