I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
