i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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