i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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