eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
