Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
