Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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