Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
