Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
