My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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