I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
