we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
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