I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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