do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
