The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
