Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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