Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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