we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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