rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
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When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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