There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i came on her dog
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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