Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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