Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
