I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
