yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
