There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
