well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
