Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize