My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
