i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
