i just had sex bonerless
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
