I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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