Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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