when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
