How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
