I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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