just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
