Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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