Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i was born a porn star she said
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
