PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Mom said you looked used
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
