you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
