wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this boner is exhausting
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
