LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
