have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
