no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
