that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
