I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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