I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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