i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
In other news, I just burned my penis
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
