WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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