i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
