this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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