I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
