I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
