my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
