UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
