I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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