i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We are all done wearing pants today
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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